A few weeks ago I shot a series of photographs of myself.  I’m mesmerized by Cindy Sherman’s ability to capture her own mysterious moments.  I suppose nobody’s a better model than yourself, since you know yourself the best.

I feel a bit uneasy tonight… Not exactly thrilled, but not sad either…  I do know the importance of being optimistic.  I make a conscious decision to be positive and optimistic whenever I can.   I have come 360 degrees in the past year, and I strongly believe that everything else that comes in the future for me will be positive. If I didn’t feel and want that 100% I wouldn’t be where I am in my life at this very moment.

Today was a mellow-dramatic day… Good in most ways, and if I am optimistic - everything went really well today.  It was someone’s last day today, and it was bit sad to see him go, because I think that we were just starting to get into the groove of things.  The great part about it is that he will be taking on a great initativie, and I’m excited for his future.  The entire department went out to a restaurnat called “No Regrets” and had a nice lunch :)

Tonight… Tonight is a beautiful night.  The skies in Toronto are clear… and the rain stopped.  I have my window open and I could feel the nice light breeze hitting against my shoulders.  I’m sitting by my desk again, but this time with a glass  of wine on my left hand side…  I’m relaxed, and excited for the weekend.  I plan on waking up earlier tomorrow to go for a quick swim in the pool, and then paint for a few hours.  With all aspects of my life, this is what I enjoy most.  Painting on Saturday morning…  It’s so quiet in the mornings… I paint by my window, and I since I have walk-out balcony from my room - I leave the balcony door open to let the autumn breeze in as I paint…  The satisfaction and release I feel from these mornings are incredible… I woudn’t trade it for anything in the world, and I am grateful that I have this in my life.

I’ve discovered recently, well that would be lying, but most people know that I could be quite moody. I don’t choose to be this way, but at times I just feel so overwhelmed. I feel consumed and confused. People nowadays like to talk about their feelings often, but I disagree. Our feelings is the core of our relationships, and without them how would be sustain a society or place values on all is occurring. In our society there is a constant bombardment of simulation.

My brain might be a little tired of it.

I’ve never really wanted to tell anyone about my feelings because I never valued them.

Tonight as I sit at by desk facing the balcony in my beautiful home, with my exquisite laptop… I stare into the lights coming from the skyscraper buildings before me… I feel blessed to have a home and everything that I need to get through the night.  Do I really care that I’m renting a condo, or do I care more about the fact that I am fortunate and thankful enough to find my passion?  Myself?  How many people do you know out there who are still struggling with that despite already archiving their notion, or society’s description of “success”?

Is that what life is about? Have we all just been programmed into wanting all these things that aren’t so important after all?  Has success changed your life recently? What are your views on giving it all up for taste to “have it all”?

Alright, so you out there who accepts it and believes in it - and that people like me are in denial.  Are you then in denial because you have given the right to someone else to choose and describe your idea of success?

You tell me.