Filed under: Paintings
There’s a feeling of empowerment that derives from finding time to make art - especially since I’ve been ridiculously busy. It’s been a long time since I’ve started to really get down to making art again, and it’s never that easy to pick up from where you’ve left off, especially when it comes to finding the inspiration to paint.
For a period of time I was weary and debated on whether or not I should continue to paint since I haven’t fully recovered from something personal that just happened in my life. I feared that it would effect my abilities to be creative and that the negativity would reflect upon my art. I was so afraid that people would see my paitnigs and just though about sadness. Which then obviously caused anxiety because my art isn’t about sadness at all. If anything I want it to reflect the bold, sexy, powerful and insightful part of me. The last thing that I want is for someone to feel sorry for me because they thought that my art is “sad”. HAHAHA. I’m always searching for a meaning in life, and I’m positive, and happy person, so I’ve always thought that my art should reflect that. So basically I’ve left my painting for a couple weeks - and though I looked at it everyday, I would be anxious to work on it because I was sad, and I didn’t want it to effect the painting.
But today I coudln’t help but finish the painting. I just let it go of my fears and finished it… I’ve learned that making art is a lifelong process, and that there would never be a perfect moment to paint. It’s just unrealistic. At every given moment in time we’re faced with different sets of circumstances, and today I feel very happy actually. Thank goodness for Sex in the City - super therapeutic in a woman’s love life.
What I’m trying to express is that it’s impossible as an artist to be in the perfect state of mind when making art, and even in the paintings of Rothko and Van Gogh we see the ups and downs of the artist’s life through their paintings, and that is beautiful in itself. Somtimes I’m just too hard on myself, and I’m slowly learning to just let things be, and go with the flow. I guess it’s because I take my art seriously which is the reason why I hope to be the best state of mind when I paint. But again, it’s just impossible.
I know and I could see through the painting that got finished today which reflects a very bittersweet time in my life, and I hope that it will always act not as reminder of the sadness, but of the powerful and talented woman that has come about from this experience in my life.
